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Hi, I am Julia Jay.  would love to help you explore answers to the struggle you are currently experiencing.

Whether the problem right now is finances, children, your marriage, housing issues, a family addiction, Children and  Youth involvement, sexual issues, or abuse in the home, I believe I can help.

I can be  contacted  24 hours a day (in person) for any problem at 717-484-1253 (if I do not get back to you within a couple hours feel free to call or text my cell phone at 717-587-2025).  People often seek  the assistance of a confidential professional who will listen as you process the pain currently being experienced and navigate the best solution to our situation when we figure out handling problems alone is not resulting in significant REAL CHANGE.

Regardless of the problem severity in your current situation I offer a hand of hope in your journey of sorrow. Even if you absolutely cannot feel any  hope in your relationships- be assured you can find peace with in yourself when you  learn to use the tools for relationship ! I will be  here to support The problem usually is,  your trying to build a shed and you do not have the supplies and it keeps falling down…hmmm no nails?  This site is all about tools- the tools you need for relationship building. Trusted  advice and tips on healthy well-being  are always in process on this site, so please explore around and feel free to contact me at

juliajayatop@gmail.com

for any questions or comments. I would love to hear from you. I am not internet savvy so please excuse the slow continued work on this website. If you want to look around my blog  there are several topics I discuss in detail that may relate to you. I strive to keep my advice simple : no problem is too big or too small. Call me and we can talk to see if your problem needs therapeutic intervention or often times people just need to  communicate the situation to a professional and guideance can be given or referrals made via the phone intake.

If your problem is with others, you may want to authentically answer the  relationship quiz for insight (on my blog) into your current relationships issues.

But first answer these questions about yourself. Hope begins with this question.  Do you really know who you are ?    Do you know what you want out of life? Do you know why you do the things you do?  As you honestly explore these answers, you will find peace, regardless of the problem. DO you want change in your life: are you willing to put the hard work into change at this time?

If you want to learn about legal rights, custody, termination of parental rights- I can provide the information you may need, often with only one session or phone call.

If you need parenting expertise, get it here, from an experienced parent, experienced foster parent, experienced adoptive parent, experienced caseworker and experienced therapist.  Many professional have all the correct book smarts but few can help you navigate the expansive undertaking of being in relationship with another life, or exploring why you continue to find yourself in crisis.

Adoption is one area of my expertise, grief is another. In graduate school these were my obsessions. Why, because they related to me personally, they were the woundedness in my life that I  needed healed. May I warn you before you begin, healing is a process. Healing is rarely a one size fits all or a quick fix.

Yet, before we finalized the adoption of our sibling group of 4 , we had to pass a parenting and family interview process with a professional expert (who had not even been married let alone raised a child, let alone adopted a child, just saying…). Before I became a County Children and Youth case worker, and went to graduate school, all the professionals involved in our cases for the previous 20 years consistently  had no children, and were ill equipped to give us expert advice,as so with the professional they sent us to for counseling.  This is the world we live in, no wonder the statistics for those who receive counseling are no better than if you went for a daily 5 mile run.

Seriously, exercise has shown the same statistical significance as counseling and it is a small margin at that. Common counseling often doesn’t work, why, because the whole counseling relationship doesn’t work, because relationship doesn’t work and relationship doesn’t work because authenticity has died! We rarely even know (authentically) ourselves. And, if you do not know yourself, you cannot be known, and if you cannot be known there can be no honest relationship with others(Period)!

Marriage expert- again look at your professionals of today- can they maintain their own personal marriages? How many (successful) years have they been married? I can say I have been married 34 years to the same man and the father of my children, in this decade that in itself puts me in a minority. The church is likely the only professional place counsel is provided by successful experienced married couples and even then the reality is: the church has a 50 % rate of divorce.

I have met very few marriage counselors who have heeded their counseling  advice themselves. Actually, the person I learned the most from as a  marriage and singles counselor has been married 5 times…just saying. We are all imperfect, we all make mistakes. The question is not  answered by the number of mistakes we make, rather, what do we take away from our mistakes?  If I knew anyone, I mean anyone, who does what I do,  I would refer clients to them and just live the life of a retired person (which I admit I sorta do most of my time that I am not writing or counseling). The main culprit is our current concept of marriage. People enter into marriage hoping their partner will make them happy, I have learned  through expereince marrage does not make anyone happy…marriage is to make us HOLY not happy…if you do not want the LARGENESS of marriage stay single!

Here is a great article if you are interested in the topic. of marriage ,http://www.theblaze.com/contributions/i-didnt-marry-the-one-she-become-the-one-after-i-married-her/?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=story&utm_campaign=ShareButtons.

In my 30 year  professional interactions, I have yet to meet a parenting professional that has actually parented the hard to raise child to success. I have yet to meet a marriage professional who has not put in the hard work of negotiation, compromise,  adjustment and personal sacrifice.

Who can’t raise the perfectionist child? Who can’t raise average kids with supportive husband and family members? Anyone can love people who are loving, but can you love someone who you do not even like? Yes you can…but not without putting in the hard work!

If you think your a good parent- well take in 4 or  5 neglected, or abused kids, take in other nationalities, other races, mentally ill children, then come talk to me about your parenting tips until then keep your opinions relevant to your own experiences, stop judging others, and thank God every day for what you have.

I do what I do to help others in a real way.  I hope by offering free resources- free insights- free blogs- free correspondence that I hope will lead you to find the information to heal yourself in a meaningful way without my personal interventions.

Regardless of income, diagnosis, sexuality,  spirituality, I believe I can help anyone who is willing to explore change. I  charge nominal fees for individual sessions and I only take limited number of clients (those who are unable to find their paths via the explored education as I have discussed earlier). I work with people who most of the rest of the professionals in this field reject. I offer hope to the hopeless, because I believe everyone is entitled to hope in this hopeless world.

Please explore my pages, diagnosis yourself or look under the diagnosis given to you by my links and get on the path to your authentic unique journey of healing.  If you get stuck, do not hesitate to call me or contact me via email or phone for free personal consultation.

My mission goal: I strive to enhance the journey for wounded sojourners, I strive to become an agent of change enabling others to make meaningful relationships and connections with this world. I strive to show compassion to those others who have given up hope of healing. I strive to become a wounded healer.

Reality is often those who we desire relationship with: our parents, our children our siblings….often have already decided they do not want relationship with us. These relationships can only be healed if both parties want to build relationship, I have relationship expertise and I can teach you tools to build relationships but in the end you have to start with you, and no matter how much you change, some  people  just do not want a close relationship(due to the fact they do not want to change or adjust their expectations of you). I have often wanted to throw in the towel on many of my own relationships…I try to keep my relationship expectations low but I feel the pain just like many of you…children who love me but do not like me, brothers who reject me and have cut themselves out of any contact with me. I know the pain of  having given parenting my best shot and in the end after 35 years of parenting…I  am too heartbroken at the resulting relationships with my adult children. I must admit, all 7 of my children did come out to be amazing adults and I am so proud of who they have become, they were all blessed to have personalities which gravitate toward my husband and none of them were burdened to have a difficult generational personality flaw similar to mine, thank goodness.  What can one do when you have a personality which is more matter of fact, blunt and confrontative than those you love?  Do the best you can, keep trying to work through difficulties, and pray pray pray.  I am thankful I have learned to grieve my expectations, grieve my grandchildren, grieve my siblings , grieve my nieces and nephews…. Though nothing came out like I planned, I thought I did the best I could have and I refuse to beat myself up over the decisions my grown children have made to avoid difficulties …I wait and I pray and I wait.  I pray daily that I  keep my heart open, tender and willing to change. However, I must prepare for the possibility of more pain in the years to come.

Where did we get the idea if we did it all right(or did our best under difficult situations) ….it would come out with great kids? why do we think, if we married MR. Right, we would smoothly sail through years of happiness. If you per chance had that experience, you are the MINORITY. Thankfully, its likely  you will never need the assistance of a therapists.

I am pretty upfront with the fact, sometimes there are no easy answers. However, I can help you ask the questions, I can help you process the pain and share your journey, I can help you navigate how to keep going on and I can offer hope that YOU can change. The fact remains, WE CANNOT CHANGE others. As my mentor would often say  “you can lead a horse to water but you cannot make him drink”, our goal should not be to force others to drink, rather we can “salt the oats” and through our example we can make others thirsty, in the end thats all we can do. We can change us…thats it …and personal change is hard, it takes hard work.

We can be open to relationships- we can keep our hearts tender, we can grow, learn and become better humans. We can teach through example, imperfect as we are, we can find hope in God and hope in ourselves. We can forgive and be willing to change to meet others where they are, but if they choose to remain in a resistant state to our love, we often have to choose to love without ever obtaining the intimate relationship we desire. We do better when we know better, we cannot do what we do not know.  We cannot expect from others what they cannot give. Hope comes when we learn, we grow and we accept others where they are, and when we put the work into changing ourselves. Change is a process and if you really want to change, you really want to find peace…I have a Touch of Peace to offer. Call me 717-484-1253 today to schedule an appointment.

Take a minute to examine how vulnerable you are willing to allow yourself to be?  Knowing yourself and being vulnerable is part of the therapeutic process, learning relationship tools can give you control over your relationships so this is a great place to start.

I also have many other skills that I offer professionally- not just therapeutic relationship building. If you have a problem with Children and Youth- I know the navigation of that specialty.

 

 

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