So you are becoming a parent. I imagine you have so many questions on how to raise a child? Either you had a baby, you married into a baby, or you somehow got responsibility for a kid. Now what? You are partially and sometimes totally responsible for another human being every day , all day. Its a scarey thought but I can say that no matter how you do, how many times you will make mistakes, all you can do is ” do your best”. Really, its not as complicated as people worry over. Psychologists have a term its is something called the “good enough parent”. In common lingo it means that you can do alot wrong and they still come out right, and/or you can do alot right and they choose to go wrong.
Studies show that a dad, who sits on the couch and drinks beer with little to no interaction with his kids, just his presence in the home will benefit the outcome of the child, if its a girl her, just the presence of a dad in the home lowers her potential for involvement in sex and or drug experimentation. Crazy isn’t it. We all think we have to do so much- we run ourselves ragged year in and year out birthday after birthday trying to protect them and model for them and lead them to faith and be consistent and all those things are good. But when all is said and done you can make it through one day, one literal physical day at a time by doing the best we can. When we fail, we can change, when we repent and turn things around, healing is natural, people will forgive(especially when they realize all they have done to need it in their own lives. just saying…if you are worrying about your parenting you are likely a good enough parent.
Anyways I am going to list some critical parenting advice tips for a new parent(usually new ones are the ones curious about how this all works . Once you have four kids you are in a survival of the fittest game to just clean house make meals love your hubby and spend time running your kids to all the things parents run their kids to and you have little time or energy to be reading blogs and asking for advice so I will stat with infants and advise you on each different age group.
1st and most important tip….SHARE …you are a family not an island. I learned this first hand when I chose the opposite advice for my children. In my 20 year old mind, my parents were screw ups and I was going to give my child the best father, mother, church, food, exercise, ect… I thought my extended family was all incompetent and dysfunctional and only on the rarest occasions and in dire need for a babysitter would I trust any of my loved ones with my kids….but thats b/c my family was all messed up (bulletin flash here all families are messed up!!!) Well, I sure did a good job of isolating my kids from my family…yes on Easter and Christmas we all got together and they saw my family but that was the extent of the relationship. Note(in my defense most of my family really never wanted any responsibilities for my children). But, wouldn’t you know my prejudice has come back to bite me in the ass!!!Karma Karma Karma! Not one of my children have allowed me to be involved in the raising of their children(sure I am picked as an occasional sitter…barring their friends or others whom they prefer or trust more)…Honestly though, after raising teens straight for 33 years, I am not one who cares to babysit anyway and after having 8 grandchildren by my early 50’s, its fine they all choose this. I never wanted to be a sitter anyway I desire to be a important part of their lives not a babysitter!!! EVERY grandparent thinks this but none of us have the nerve to come right out and say it!!
As you hold your tiny infant in your arms and look into those amazing eyes…you have a choice…. its all about YOU, your feelings, your protection, your perspective, or life is about sharing. Sharing this amazing person with imperfect people in the world so that your child grows up to be a part of an extension, a family, a part of the whole, a string instrument amidst the orchestra. When you are able to freely pass your baby down the aisle of the church and let everyone hold her for a while and pass her on…it is then you will awaken to the heart cry of every persons desire ….to touch the innocence of the world in rarest form, to impact the life of another in a transforming way. Well I have not seen this done since I did it so many years ago, these new mothers today fear to even take their babies to church for fear of disease or colds, let alone allow others to hold or care for their child. Today’s moms are so selfish and isolating they all want to “bond Bond Bond” and if you can come do the dishes for them you are suppose to be happy! Well I can see what the years of their bonding to their kids has meant to me, each year they grow older they become more and more distant. I can honestly say I know very little interpersonal relationship with my grandchildren currently. Every year they are more alienated then the year before…my hope is in teen years maybe things will turn around but I am not holding my breath…YOU KNOW WHY??? I fell I was robbed my grand-parenthood by their “bonding”. I guess I deserve it as I was the same when my children were young. Today I see two kinds of grandparents, close and not close. Sadly the close ones are close because their children did not parent or were incompetent so the grandparent took up the slack, the ones not so close are not so close because their kids are wonderful parents and think they do not need the assistance emotionally spiritually or psychologically of their parents(however an occasional sitter will suffice). So because I see this dilemma everyday day in and day out I would say the #1 most important thing when having a baby is to share.
When you share loving an infant the love bond grows and grows, exponentially. When you wait till they are 1 or 2 or 3 or 4 it decreases potential. Yes you are the master when it comes to the final say but could you try to listen to advice form ones whom have raised many for years and have a lifetime of experience, you don’t have to change just let others feel heard. I have never had 1 or my 7 kids come to me for advice on the rearing of children and I know NO other EXPERT with the years of experience and quality of child-rearing that they have free of charge right here in their very own mom. To no avail, maybe my pain is why I rate this #1 importance maybe its personal but I do look around and see many other grandparents and relatives struggle with this aspect of today’s parenting.
I will get back to this post another day sorry I have to quit for now.
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